It’s In Your Face But You Can’t Grab It

Things I Can’t Do

Smile fully
Raise my right eyebrow
Open my mouth completely
Chew well on the right side of my face
Make rude noises with my tongue

Who would have thought I would miss being able to just blow a raspberry? It wasn’t until my best friend suggested I try doing it that I realized that I was missing this extremely important ability. It’s become one of my tests for observing progress. Today I made a little noise from my mouth, though not as I intended. I have yet to replicate it again.

I completely understand the situation in which I find myself. However, I let my issues come to a head today and my emotions cascaded over into other trivial matters. There exists a maddening frustration in the complete refusal of my facial muscles to respond to my attempts to move them. Everything is right where it is supposed to be but it just won’t move. It feels like I’m making the correct motions but it just won’t budge. It feels like I left the whole left side of my face in bed. But, I can’t change my condition. I can only treat it.

Things I Can Do

Just about everything else

I find myself fortunate that I’ve been able to manage drinking and eating as well as I have as long as I focus on the task at hand. I pocket food on the right side of my face if I don’t watch where I’m chewing. Thankfully I only did that once today.

I’m relying on my eyedrops a lot less now. I think that I might be blinking that eye more, though that may not be a change in my actual condition and merely my understanding how to move my eyelids a little better. There is still irritation on my eye, but that’s more from my misuse of tape than my paralysis.

Things I Will Do

Go to the doctor
Find a cool eye patch

Who doesn’t want to look like a pirate? Even Amazon has a range of HSA-eligible eyepatches that could make a Halloween accessory with a tiny bit of decoration. Of course the eye patch I selected wasn’t eligible despite looking the most medically functional. I’ll need to get that reimbursed. At least I have a headstart on a costume this year.

Everything else I’ve just been putting off. Every time I try to make a change in my lifestyle I find excuses to stop. Or I just ignore my previous attempts and regress into my former habits. Or I just willingly avoid the things I know will prevent me from having further health risks.

Things I Won’t Do

That anymore.


Faith No More – Epic

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